Many times when speaking of surrogacy, adoption comes into the conversation. This is natural because they are both family creation options. These are both options that enable a couple who cannot have children of their own, to have a family. Many people may express the following thought: If a couple wants a child, why not take a child out of an orphanage and bring it home? Why consider a non-traditional way to have a child, such as surrogacy, if there are children in need of a home and of a family
Let’s explore…
The traditional way in which a child is recognized as related to their parents, is through physical appearance, mannerisms and/or expressions. The child looks like its mother or father, grandfather or grandmother or a close relative such as an aunt or uncle. There is always the famous phrase “oh… the child looks so much like his father” or “she looks exactly like her mother did at her age.” These comments are very important to the family structure and the family base. Not only the physical aspect is important, because the child may not look like their parents but have the same expressions and or personality, which also binds them to the family unit.
Now, when a couple realizes that they cannot conceive, no matter what the cause may be, they begin to search for ways to be able to form their family, with the physical aspect in mind. What options do they have? First of all they can try to become pregnant through medical intervention. This means that they create their embryo in a laboratory and then have it implanted in the mother’s uterus. If this deems ineffective, they may have to look for another option that provides the physical similarities its parents.
Another alternative to having the child look like the parents, is that they may look for a sperm or egg donor from someone that has the physical similarities to them, and go forth with the invitro. If the couple’s infertility lies in the nature of their gametes and not from the embryo attachment, then this could turn into a normal pregnancy and being able to bring baby home. If this is not the case, and it turns out that the mother cannot carry a child in her womb independently of the gametes, then other options are to be taken into account.
Once ruling out the option of the mother being able to carry the child, adoption is a common alternative to consider. Intended Parents may go to adoption agencies and look for a child that looks like them, or even if the child does not look like them, they may absolutely fall in love with a child and take the child home. According to California State Law “Adoption is the legal process of establishing a legal parent-child relationship when the adopting parent is not the child’s biological or birth parent. That means that once the adoption is final, the adoptive parents have all the legal rights and responsibilities of a parent-child relationship.” There are so many children that are put into adoption that need a home. These children would benefit from having a loving family that would take them in, as opposed to growing up in an orphanage. This is why many people choose to adopt as their family growing solution.
There are other choices when it comes to creating a family. There are couples who do not choose to adopt because they want to have a child that is biologically related to them. There is a family creation solution available to them, adoption is not the only choice available to them. A feeling that Intended Parents have in their hearts is that if they have a genetically related child, this will allow them to follow in their own cultural traditions and/or beliefs. This is where Surrogacy can offer a solution. The child that will be born, is genetically related to the parents and therefore will be accepted into the family tradition.
Surrogacy is not a topic that is usually part of common day to day conversations, as opposed to adoption. We can find stories about adoptions in movies, social medial and other information sources whereas Surrogacy is not as socially accepted and therefore less talked about out. This does not mean that Surrogacy is not a viable family creating solution. What it means is that we must learn more about it, and understand what it entails. We must also learn to accept someone’s choice to embrace surrogacy versus adoption.
The important thing to note, is that surrogacy does not rule out adoption. Many people may believe that surrogacy should not be an option until all children that are up for adoption were already placed in permanent families. Although this is a very altruistic notion, this is not a reality. Others may not consider that tradition is important enough to rule out adoption. Adoption is a viable family creating solution. There are many families that choose adoption over other options, but the important thing to note is that both surrogacy and adoption are choices. Creating a family is a very personal choice, an each Intended Parent should have the option to choose what works best for them, being it Adoption or Surrogacy.
